With Valentine’s Day approaching, love is in the air, but it’s not always easy to join in on the festivities when you’re going through heartbreak. We’ve all been there and it’s not easy to cope. People have different ways with getting over heartbreak, so the same process won’t work for everyone individually. For some helpful tips and advice, we reached out to heartbreak pro, Lodro Rinzler, author of several relevant books and co-founder and Chief Spiritual Officer at MNDFL Meditation. Here’s what he told us:
As I mention in my new book, Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken, heartbreak is a bit of a catch-all term for the vast pain that we suffer in response to our expectations not being met in some way. Whether you’re suffering from romantic heartbreak, the loss of a loved one, or heartbreak because we live in a chaotic and aggressive society, here are some tips for how to stay grounded in the midst of that life-changing, devastating, messy experience:
1. Find ways to take care of yourself
Instead of sitting around running storylines through your head, mentally perpetuating your own suffering, try to find a way to make yourself feel better. Spend time with someone who is really good at listening. Turn your attention toward helping other people. Spend time with an adorable child or animal. Get more sleep than you think you need. Seek out a therapist if you feel you could benefit from it. Make the time to meditate, read, and exercise.
I know I just touched on this, what do you expect from a long-time meditation teacher and co-founder of MNDFL meditation studios? I do recommend seeking out a supportive meditation community like MNDFL, where you don’t feel so alone in doing the practice and there are experienced teachers who can help you manage the strong emotions that come up alongside heartbreak. We even have a MNDFL Emotions class, meant just for you.
3. Feel what you feel
It’s okay to feel heartbroken. Obviously you want it to pass, but until it does, pay attention to your emotional state. It’s natural to feel angry, depressed, betrayed and more. Don’t shy away from your emotions but see if there is valid communication arising from them. There are a number of exercises in Love Hurts that help you with stay with your emotions for just that reason. In this sense, the only bad emotion is the one you close yourself off to.
4. Give Yourself Time
Getting over heartbreak takes longer than we want it to. I’m sorry. But the cliche “time heals all wounds” has been around for a while for a reason. It’s true. Your only job is to take care of yourself while you give yourself time to heal (see tip one again, because it’s important).
5. Remember that even heartbreak is impermanent
This is good news! Normally, impermanence gets a bad rap, as it’s good things we want to stick around that change or fade away. Here, it’s a good thing.Your heartbreak won’t last forever, and it’s important to remember that. Even if you feel shitty today, know that you will heal. I promise you will.